Let’s be honest: the world is going to shit. All those post-apocalypse stories we used to treat
as fiction? Starting to feel like prep manuals.
It seems like everybody has an idea of how they would fare in such a world, but all that is still speculation.
You are in luck because here is a breakdown on how yours truly would survive in the different apocalypse worlds. I’m going to explore the survivability in various post-apocalyptic worlds. From Fallout to Mad Max, I will also be recommending some of the best apocalypse movies and books.
So, in the spirit of grim optimism, here’s how I’d survive in a variety of world-ending scenarios, or more accurately, how quickly I’d die in each one. This is a humorous apocalypse survival guide ranking my odds in Mad Max, Fallout, The Road, and more. Spoiler: I’m not making it far.
Mad Max: Fury Road
Awful time. I do not work well when it’s hot. I am from the north after all. The moment the temperature rises above 25 degrees, I take a siesta for the entire day. Fighting gang members who shoot fire from their guitars seems like a lost cause at the best of times. Doing it when the weather is so hot is going to be a problem. That, combined with very little water, and you might just find me hiding under a rock waiting for the world to go back to normal.
Survival chance 3/10
The Road
Dude, if I lived in a world written by Cormac McCarthy, I think I would bow out from the start. This world is so bleak and devastating, I think my natural will to live would eat me up inside.
It does seem like a world where you can walk instead of run, which is good for me.
Honestly, I would probably get killed off straight away by other people, or starve to death since my survival skills are nonexistent.
The book is very good and devastating. It’s definitely a must-read by the master himself.
Survival chance 2/10
Children of Men
Now here we go. If Michael Caine can grow old in that world, then so can I.
I can definitely see myself growing old in a cabin in the woods or an apartment in the city while listening to Pink Floyd. In that aspect, things aren’t so different then what my life is like right now. Sure, a stray bomb could take me out, but compared to The Road, this world actually has people, even old ones, which makes it feel survivable. One of the better options, no doubt..
Survival chance 9/10
A quiet place
I talk too much as it is. There is very little chance I would not be one of the first to go.
Though after the initial wave of death, I could see myself surviving for some time. That being said, I am fond of talking to myself, so again I might just have to tape my mouth together. Also, I am reliant on other people here, since I would have to have a little farm somewhere isolated.
Survival chance 4/10
I am legend
This one really depends on which version I’m in. The movie version has these fast, scary zombies who would absolutely tear me to shreds within a second. The movie version also has Will Smith, and for fear of getting my head slapped, I think I’ll just stay clear of that one.
The book version is way better. In that the enemy is vampires who taunt the main character. The book leans way more into the psychology of being isolated, yet with a talking threat just outside. The book also has a great twist at the end compared to the straightforward film version.
Survival chance Book: 5/10 Movie 2/10
Snowpiercer
I love riding trains. Watching the landscape pass by as I press my big head against the window is something I have loved since I was a child. For Snowpiercer, I am probably going to be in the lower end of the train, those who eat cockroaches. Insects do have protein, to be fair. What would bother me is that I couldn’t stop talking about the train’s class structure. It’s hard enough living with capitalism right now; imagine what it would be like on a train going around forever.
In the movie, the lower class revolts, and that’s where people die. If that happened, I’d probably be the one who dies. But if we just sat and chilled, I think I could get pretty old. The movie even shows old people, so you can get old on the train.
Survival chance 8/10
The Walking Dead
I’d 100% join a gang that thinks they had it all figured out, only to end up being shot or eaten mere hours after being formed.
Survival chance 1/10
The Stand
Those endless council meetings would be the death of me way before the disease; I would simply die of boredom. Also, the stand takes place in America, and with the current political climate in the U,S I think I would rather try and swim back to Europe or migrate to Canada.
Survival chance 5/10
Parable of Sorrow
If I were a hyper-intelligent young black woman, I might have a chance, but I’m not, so I don’t. Someone would probably steal the gun I don’t have and kill me. There are older people in the story, so surviving seems possible.
Parable of Sorrow is an excellent speculative fiction novel by Octavia E. Butler about a young girl navigating a post-apocalyptic world. It is clever, full of fascinating observations about society, philosophy, and religion, and it never feels too heavy to read.
Survival chance 6/10
Fallout
For this one, I’ve left my vault. Otherwise, I’d just stay put, but if you know Fallout, you know the vaults always collapse eventually, so the wastelands are safer.
I’d definitely die as a lone wanderer, torn apart by a deathclaw, a raider, a giant bug, or maybe acid rain.
I could join a gang or work the New Vegas strip for protection, but that’s not ideal. The Brotherhood would reject me instantly. There are simply too many ways to die in Fallout. Even as a farmer, the deck feels stacked against me. That said, there are plenty of old people around, so survival is possible. If I stayed put in a town, I might actually last a while.
Survival chance 5/10
Horizon Zero Down
I am not a strong, independent woman, so I’m properly going to sit back in a village and chill.
Robot dinosaurs are too much for me, man.
Survival chance 5/10
Frost punk
Hell nah. Isn’t the point that everyone dies there? It’s too cold and hostile. Also, if I’m in charge, like I would be if I’m playing, well then, we should all just jump in the furnace at the start.
Survival chance -1/10
The last man
The Last Man is a book written by Mary Shelly, of Frankenstein fame.
The book is incredibly written. Mari Shelly has mastered the English language at such a young age that it almost hurts me.
It’s about a disease wiping out humanity, and left is the last man is left. We see his life leading up to that point, and it’s in email parts devastating and beautiful. A celebration of love and life.
Mary Shelley wrote The Last Man with such mastery that it almost hurts. It’s devastating and beautiful, a reminder to hug your loved ones now, because the future is unknowable. Forget the constant stream of bad news: focus on what matters, while you still can.
Maybe the apocalypse isn’t about surviving after all – maybe it’s just about learning to live before it comes.
Survival chance 10/10
- Go live life